Its a terrible situation to be in. What should I do? He started smoking and just acting very strange. We'd all like to think we. He has said over and over that he is taking our relationship seriously but I just learned that hes been texting another girl in what I consider an inappropriate manner for the past month or so (very flirtatious texts at all times of day, making plans to go to her house that he hasnt told me about, or alternatively him making excuses for why he cant go out that appear to be lies timed around when he was hanging out with me). So for many years I couldnt understand how he could treat me so direspectful and without consideration for my feelings. Tell him that's it. So needless to say I took him back but this time set rules for myself. Please note I consider this guy as a very good friend & Id rather keep the friendship & risk the friendship as well if thats what it takes, than let him get involved with me for the wrong reasons from his perspective if truly wants to work it out with his wife. Im sorry he did this. He brings me presents, buys me shoes and takes me out more. 3 months after my son was born i caught my husband in the shower watching porn which is not allowed under my roof and he agreed at the time but now hes constantly lying to me and feels like he is always going behind my back and when i see him in his work place it looks like he stares and flirts with everyone. 7) The day after I found the photos, I told him I did not trust him. My husband is a recovering sex addict and a recovering alcoholic. I have no way of catching him at anything he hides his browsing history on his computer, etc. Your gut instinct is telling you something your subconscious is picking up on cues from him, his actions, his words, and the environment and those cues are based on facts. You are a survivor, and you have the power to get through this and become a stronger, smarter, healthier woman. He is treating you disrespectably. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him. Trust yourself, my friend. He still makes me feel like its my fault and that I dont need to know anything about it. He also stayed at work more. We all do and hurt or not I want to make things better. I have had many talks with him about how this is making me feel inside. You also cant guarantee that you can trust your husband forever. He and this girl stayed friends that whole time, and I was certain they would end up togetherbut they DIDNT. Heres a question for you: if I waved a magic wand and changed your life, how would it be different? He messaged her saying thanks for leaving punk so she says Im starting to get hate for you but was joking. It doesnt hurt that its fun. OH! Please give me advice thank u. The very first couple of weeks that we were together. I gave my husband sex for a while because I wanted to feel that I could satisfy him like the 20 year old lap dancers. One night we wanted to watch a movie. About a month after we moved in things started getting weird, he would rarely have sex with me, not cuddle, etc. It doesnt matter what I would do if I were you.what matters is that you follow your intuition. We argue alot about this topic and now we lost respect and we hardly have any comunication we avoid each other. When my husband returned I had every intention to confront him about it, but I just couldnt. https://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/is-your-spouse-cheating-stds/. And I believed him. Ask Yourself if You Want to Stay Married. You deserve to be treated better, and with honesty and respect. but im learning to be happy with myself, my 2 boys and have good friends :) if yall hear me! we are together for over 8 yrs with two kids now. It limits me so much. We went to marriage counseling for 2 months, he started to believe in God, would pray together.but has since stopped. Their affair behavior was based on their wants and needs, now it's time for them to consider you and your marriage more than themselves. Stand your ground and do not believe you do not deserve better. He does not want to go to counseling. Such BS. If course, she wouldnt . they also all sound similar. My prayer for you is that you do not let this man deceive you the way he has deceived other women. He told me that when he went there he drank with her and her friendn became drunk. Have you directly asked him if hes cheating on you? Ive been selfish and I feel sorry for this women. 2 years ago my husband of 20 years lied to me about a phone call. Science has shown that genetic redundancy produces problems in offspring. And is always accusing me of messing around. I dont know the answer to that.I suppose thats a matter of personal opinion. But to me, I will never ever trust him anymore. Rebuilding trust is possible but involves a lot of work if the husband is willing to take responsibility (not blaming it on genes) and explain how and why he did it in the first place. We went to couples counseling to try to heal the wounds within our relationship. I feel it at most times but I push myself away because my trust for him is very little. Like I said we have three boys together all under the age of 5. It is so important. Eveneeeeven if the man were in any way shape or form justified in your mind to have an affair, there is no justification for someone cheating. If youre using a condom on your penis, you are putting it somewhere!). I know that he isnt into romantic talk, but hes told me Im beautiful, and he loves my body, etc. Of course long distance relationship is hard, yet not impossible. He obvious does not have intent to stop. He ignored me to continue his game. Ive been with my husband 7 years we have 3 children together plus he has a dauggter with a girl he cheated on me with, but after so many years of him cheating on me he finally stopped and devoted his life to me and our children. I have decided that it is time to move on with my life and we have three children in the midst of this. So I asked him again and told him I wanted an direct answer. But that title i have not not earned, i was too deceived to believe his words of love & faithfulness. And Im helping him start college soon and Im totally afraid. Help someone. Ask casual, open-ended questions and prime your partner to tell you the truth when you're ready to get them to admit they are cheating. I read where a spouse wrote, I have my self-resect about me and I guess that is me too. Its far more likely a view into his own bad personality and he would have cheated on you anyway. If your husband really is cheating on you and lying about it, it is better to leave him. im only 36 and i just finally came to my senses and have left the relationship it hard scary but theres relief from lies manipulation and abuse it only got progressively worse never better. It might seem obvious, but before you phone up that divorce lawyer, you're going to want to make sure that you have a cheating partner. Its not only in the nature of man to have multiple partners. Well, if your spouse is cheating on you really better to divorce him. ok, my bf and i have been togetherf for almost 5yrs now. We had been dating for six months when my husband had to return home for family reasons. We have both been through hell and back trying to repair the damage that has been done! I have to do what is right for my kids. To all you loyal wives out there, if you have any suspicion, follow your instinct. His lies are now eating him from the inside out. Now, i dont mean to scare you even more.. what im saying is that you have to be aware of that and take in mind that this is not so far from reality as it may seem to you right now. WOW its like the devil destroy marriages including mine of 28yrs . Hi Im 28weeks pregnant and my husband and I have not slept in the same bed or even same room for months. My instinct tell me something was wrong and I followed him, when I got to the door I could see the woman giving him oral sex. Someone even told me the could be swingers. thank u in advance. Almost three years later, he has cheated on me more than once,put his hands on me, and called said things i never thought hed ever say. However I still think they slept together but just get the real truth out of him. I know she wants him just by the way she moved away from him really fast when I walked over to him. I just dont understand why i love him so much. But why cant I shake this feeling? Scientists are studying a cheating gene, which involves decreased levels of vasopressin. He lost you the moment he strayed. and past years had found 3 speptert phones see i catch him but of cousre kills the issue when i need straigh answers he wont leave the kids he tells me to leave well no way well lastweek or so an old girl when my kids wre 2 found him in facebook and she sent him a messsage and stupid him ofcouser he just leave so much eveidence like he emails stuff doesnt know how to shut off the notifications on face book and 2 weeks ago he lied taht his cousin gave him a cell to take over okay lol how did she change it to your name okay lol well and 3 years ago he a a child hold freind that i think the were getting close cause of couse she had a better censahumor then me. Get out..stay out.. go to Coda, 12 step program or Al-Anon, & learn. My problem is my husband is trained to keep secrets. Also, my husbands attitude towards me has changed a lot, he always pick up quarrels with me, he is no longer intimate with me as we used to be, sometimes, I cant help but think that he is no longer in love with me. They will try to blame you for not being able to trust. I recently moved out of our house and back with my parents house. He has never been a loving person, only behind closed doors with me. After a year we had a car accident together and hospitalised and you know what his visitor majority was girls every day i was told by the girl that use to stay with him in the house that is only ladies come visisting him. I wasnt even thinking straight due to so much loss! She said he didnt tell her he was married and i didnt see no more contact between them.He sweairs its coz he wanted to try his sexual ability with another woman since he used to be very sexual and suddenly not. I didnt even recognize that I was severely depressed all those years! I dont know what to do, please help me, thanks. I feel for you so much. Thank You. The guys a jerk. Youre only 20 years old sweetheart.you have a long life ahead of you. He knows my heart knows the truth. he would defend her till the end.. she would text me and tell me that her and him were very close and that he meant everything to her, and that their relationship was more than just business colleagues. The bottom line is not whether or not he actually slept with someone, it is the betrayal and lack of respect demonstrated by the behavior. Chances are, the frequency that they talk will start to fizzle out as she gets her stuff together. I had enough self esteem to just end it right then. I was telling him something is going on and even though I dont kknow what it is, I dont like the feeling I get. You didnt do anything wrong. I have pulled away significantly since, where right after all this came out, I tried my best to help him. Baloney. A neighbor? Why keep on trying when nothing gets better. Yet he was earning nothing, in fact it was costing him to go to the office every day, money we didnt have, with a brand new baby to care for and yet as far as he is concerned, it is my fault. We didnt exchange names or anything but he had no ring and seemed young around my age, young 20s. I just dont know what to do anymore. Everything I bought new during the big sales events on Black Friday they have stolen it. He owns his own business and ends his day at the same place before coming everyday (another womans business). Never trust anyone 150% its all BS! His age, birthdate, city of residence and height/build. I didnt trust him he left that work place and I told him if he didnt get me the girls number then I would call his ex boss and disclose everything to him. This woman is 26. He is a Godly man etc. I never forgot his birthday. Then my husband finally confessed that they were having virtual sex (he swears nothing physical happened). There was a reason it happened, and it is very important to address that reason. He doesnt text anymore or call. Your belly is screaming at you. SO much. As in any couple weve had our problems. Our daughters age. Because all hes done sence we been together is lie to my face. LADIES KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH! He is treating you like dirt, hes taking you for granted, and he will make your life more and more miserable. She even went out of her way to pretend she was going upstairs to an office just so she can pass my husband. My husband and I have an active physical relationship but he spends more and more time on his computer and texting now. Romance her like you would in the beginning, most men act like once they have the woman the work or effort is over. But saying that Monogamy is unnatural for all humans cant be factual. I guess maybe that shows youre not alone your husband isnt the only one who could be lying about cheating. Hes very insightful and honest with me. I love it. His family dynamics were very different. Y E S! I didnt want to be living with his parents anymore and he wouldnt be financially ready to move for awhile. I even overheard him talk to his friend about: when the last time youve seen (them)? And, my husband called out the age the child was. Protecting the affair partner. He won't try and rush you through this first stage of healing and reconciliation. My life has become 1 big nightmare! I want to believe that he didnt sleep with any of these women but deep down I dont trust him at all. The study found little difference in rates of infidelity reported by men and women (23 and 19 per cent, respectively). I live for 39 he 23 years. I wish this could be shown to all women considering having a relationship with a married man. You are worth it!! He made his choices. He woukd rather die in his addiction and never set the truth free. We did fall on hard times. Can the lost help the uncertain & the uncertain help the lost? He says she was fun to be with. you have never trusted me is what I hear now. Today he tells me he cant stand to be with me, and it hurts more to hear that now that hes sober. You just have to have access to his phone while hes sleeping or when you have a little time to play with it. He told me that she liked the idea that she could just pull a string and he woukd come running. sorry I loath hate it with a burning passion . That is neither respect, love or caring that they are showing to you when they do this, it is a selfish, self pitying behaviour no matter how anyone sugar coats it. How do we gain back trust. I worry, he might be cheating on me as well (reaching out to other women). He asked me to be his girl for over a year before I said yes. I found out last month that my husband of 11 years has been having a year long affair. A lot of women prefer men as friends as they are less judgmental, often kinder, and more empathetic. "While Joe was using the computer, he accidentally deleted the bookmark for Dad's favorite financial site," she said . Its not going to change. So to ALL my wife friends out there. I dont know why but for the first time in being together for 9 years I felt uneasy. When I first confronted him he said she was a lesbian, but i found a text message he failed to delete that said I LOVE YOU. He swears he didnt sleep with this woman (a co-worker) and I 99.9% believe him. Thank you for being here! When you are cheated on, it is natural, though not warranted, to feel inadequate. The best way to know if you can trust your husband is if he takes himself out of possibly bad situations. Be strong. This will also give you the opportunity to reflect on anything you might have changed about your marriage if you had a second chance. I found out he had been cheating on me while we were courting and funny enough he never stopped.each time i confronted him ,he came out very defensive and made me feel like i did not know what i was saying. Its unacceptable for him to disrespect you and your children with this. I asked him about that, he insist that not he send! but i cont beleive bec he always makes fake promises when asked about his fake promises suddenly unknowingly he bluffed like u only making me to put fake promises again started covering his tongue slip. My husband finally admited he had a drug problem. I was having a miscarriage at that time and I wasnt aware of it. I feel that, instead of seeing how they react during, watch them afterwards. You get what You allow. He tikd me that he loves me and does not want a divorce but if you think that your correct than you have to do what you need to do is what I am told. I checked the phone a week later and the number still kept on coming up. Anyway, I keep a diary of his narcisstic behavior, lies, everything. He's not going to admit to cheating. I just cannot seem to grasp that. This is TMI, but he had an idea on a new way I could give him oral sex. Dont know if that makes a difference but Ive searched high and low. Well little did he know he had already tould on himself. But he wont. About a month before our 1 year anniversary I caught him lying about something. And, why even ten years later does it become so important to know if he had sex? Are you okay? If he is lyen bout his phone something is upand a phone goes to vm when its dead..he had the ringer down. I think my husband has cheated on me or have the intention of cheating; with a former classmate of his. I welcome your thoughts. Open your heart and mind, and stay alert to what God whispers in your ear. After they graduated from the University, the girl left for another country but my husband still maintained contact with her. That is why part of me wants to believe he's innocent. That he wasnt happy etc. Hi Mr. Tommy, me and my husband has been married for almost 2 years, were a young couple with a 10 month old and a baby boy on the way. Not only that, he risked your health too. Do you have any suspicious activity like phone calls, texts, emails, etc? He most definitely would not be telling you the truth and could be telling you what you want to hear. So he wakes up and I told him she called me and he denies being good friends and that he doesnt know her like that, he also denies meeting up at the parking lot, he says he would only go to get gas and cig and leave, that was a lie bc that particular place isnt open at 2am. He had taken her on a vacation when I thought he was on a golf outing!! That man is doing you wrong. sometimes when we woman are too much questioning men we pushing them far. He said, he rather die or be single until he dies if he losses his wife. You arent the reason why he took his wedding ring off and started hitting on women, thats all down to him and its his fault your marriage is failing. Well nearly 2 years after trying to work things out with my husband and putting myself second to what he needs, i came home from work yesterday to find he has gone. I never lie and always tell her every time. If you think hes lying to you, then he probably is. How to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship, on quips and tips for love and relationships. I feel like I have lived the past 15 years in hell with Satan himself!!! I still feel like this is cheating either way. he will leave home at 8 to8.30 like tat. I think if this woman is such a good friend of his I should have known this years ago since she came into our lives after we were married. He went to have his testosterone checked and it was normal. Maybe few. Neither people may not be exactly pious, so how would it be to sit down and discuss how it hurts? I have had this nagging feeling that something isnt right. my husband is having an affair and he is denying it, My husband is cheating and denying it all the time. I found he is on hook up sites. If he were truly unhappy, he should talk to you about his feelings and see if you cant work through it. Am i being crazy for over reacting? I need to tell you something honey that is of utmost importance. And no amount of talking and making excuses will cover up the fact that we chose to stay with a spouse that cant be trusted. Now, a few months ago, I noticed he was acting different again. Im 31 been married since I was 16 have 3 kids by him and had my tubes tied because we both agreed we didnt want anymore kids right now and if we decided in the future we wanted more we would do whats needed to concieve again.well now I have 2 stepkids of which one I raise(long story)yes he cheated twice with 2 different women lot of drama crazy females litterally.my mom has been married to 3 different men and I made a vow I would only get married once in my life as he knew divorce has never been an option in my book.marriage was one thing I was gonna do right.well we finally started buying our own place 3 years ago and hes been amazing totally changed for the better. I am thinking more and more about just leaving him. Visit my family and was away from him a month and half. Here are 5signs your husband is cheating, plus 4ways to know if hes lying to you about the affair. He tells me 2 recieve his calls n do so many tins on his behave but why im i feelin dis way? Please help he says I am crazy and that its all in my head, my husband started getting these weird text messages and voice mails he doesnt know how to change anything like that but anyways i check them often we dont live together so our relationship is rocky sometimes (we live together sometimes which is better then not living together)but last night he got this voice mail from this girl saying i wish you would let me know if you are coming over you you said you would after dark and i asked him about it when he finally answered his phone he denied it of course and told me to calm down and i needed to trust him more but there are rumors going around where he live that he is having an affair with this girl she is skinnier then me and i am devastated about this i made an appointment to go talk to a therapist we have 4 children our sex life hasnt changed when we are together if anything he wants it more then what he did before i dont know what to believe i need help really bad i hope some one can help me figure this out im dying inside and its hard to hide this form my kids. 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